


The Kids Will Be Alright (It's Just Going To Take A While)

by theandrogynousdragon



Category: Humans (TV)
Genre: 5 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Asexual Leo Elster, Child Abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Cuddling & Snuggling, David Elster Was Even Worse Than Canon, Dubious Consent, F/M, Hester Exists But Only Briefly Because She Scares Me, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I will make that a tag dammit, I'm Sorry, Leo Elster Needs Therapy, Naked Cuddling, One Shot, Parent/Child Incest, Self-Esteem Issues, Sex-Repulsed Leo Elster, Smoking, Tagging everything I can think of, The Author Regrets Everything, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, To Reduce Triggering Someone By Accident, Unplanned Pregnancy, What Have I Done, issues with religion, it takes him a while to figure that out though, no beta we die like men, the ending is bad i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theandrogynousdragon/pseuds/theandrogynousdragon
Summary: It's hard to identify something by it's absence. Or, I wanted more ace rep so here I am. Please heed the tags, I don't want someone to get hurt.
Relationships: Leo Elster/Mattie Hawkins
Kudos: 14





	The Kids Will Be Alright (It's Just Going To Take A While)

**Author's Note:**

> Word of warning: there is some mentions of CSA and dubcon in this fic, so please be safe.

1\. Age nine

Leo squirmed uncomfortably as Mia taught him about “the birds and the bees” as Niska had called it. He didn't like the sound of all that. The physical bodily changes were fine, but the other bit, about doing those things with his body, with another person? That was just...weird. He giggled, “that sounds _gross_ , Mum!”

Mia smiled, “I'm not your mother, Leo. And sometimes sex can be kind of gross but you might like it later, or you might not.” She ruffled his hair. “I think that's enough for today, little cub. Why don't you go ask Fred to play with you for a while?” He jumped up, happy to be relieved from boring schoolwork.

“Okay!” And all thought of that _weird_ _feeling_ was quickly put out of his mind.

2\. Age thirteen-and-a-half

Leo was still relearning a few things after The Accident. One thing, however, was different (besides the synthetic components, anyway). His father was... behaving differently towards him. Leo didn't like it, but Dad said he'd dismantle the others if he told them about it. Leo sort of vaguely knew “it” was sex, except he'd thought it wasn't supposed to hurt so bad, or make his stomach ache, or make him feel guilty. Dad said he couldn't help himself. Dad said it was Leo's fault. Dad said Leo was “such a pretty thing” and called him a “good boy” when he— when— Leo firmly decided not to think too much about it. It wasn't so bad, anyway.

3\. Age sixteen

Leo stood outside the shell of his burned-out home, ashes clinging to his skin, and all he felt was tired relief. (His stomach hurt.) Now that Dad was dead, maybe he could... _No_ , he told himself firmly. _They would be disgusted by you. You don't want that. They're all you've got left. Don't ruin it_. (Everything ached.) He turned to his family, (guilty) swallowed the words on his tongue (my fault) and said, “come on, let's go before someone comes looking for the source of the fire,” with a taste in his mouth like burnt matchsticks.

4\. Age nineteen

Leo felt sick, leaving Niska there. In that... place. He snuck off that night, slinking into a petrol station and buying a pack of menthols. He lit up, shielding the tiny flame from the wind. The station attendant kept _looking_ at him with hungry eyes. Leo hunched his shoulders tighter and pretended not to notice. “Pretty thing,” the attendant muttered, leering. Leo froze, heartbeat clicking in his throat. “I could show you better things to do with that mouth.”

“Who says I would let you?” Leo shot back, breathing minty smoke.

The attendant grinned, “well, I could report you for stealing.”

“I didn't steal anything.”

“That box of synth skin in your pocket says otherwise.” _Damn_ _it_.

“...Alright.” He dropped to his knees. Leo had never set foot inside a church in his life, but he'd heard about penance once. He wondered if this counted.

5\. Age twenty

He kissed her and kissed her and kissed her and felt like he was flying. He froze, though, when she palmed his groin through his jeans. Tears sprang to his eyes and he blinked them away furiously. He shuddered and looked away when she started undoing his belt. _This isn't so bad_ , Leo told himself firmly. _She's not like the others. Not like Hester._ ~~ _Not like Dad_~~ _. She's not going to hurt you. This is what makes her happy. You want her to be happy, don't you?_ Mattie stopped. “Is something wrong?” He wanted to tell her so badly, but Leo was terrified that she wouldn't like him anymore if she knew how broken he was.

Leo shook his head, plastering a smile on his face. “No, it's fine. It's nothing.” Mattie smiled back and kept going. (There was an _actual_ _child_ , later. Leo felt like screaming and throwing up and crying and leaving the country and yet. There was something old, something buried, that looked into that child's eyes and whispered _protect_. And he swore he was going to do his best.)

+1. Age twenty-two

“I'm not having sex with you right now,” Mattie said softly. Leo tried to feel anything other than relief and only just managed curiosity.

“Why not?” Leo asked, picking at Mattie's shirt buttons with practiced ease. He nipped at her bottom lip, since that usually got his girlfriend (and wasn't that a surprise? After everything?) to stop talking. Mattie pulled away, frowning. She looked a little... not _disappointed_ , necessarily, just... tired. Frustrated, maybe. Dread slid icy fingers down Leo's spine.

“You don't get it, do you, Leo? I don't want to have sex with you because _you_ don't want to have sex at all.” Leo startled, flushing guiltily.

“I don't, it's not, I haven't,” he stammered, dread tripping straight into fear, his hands shaking as he tried desperately to unblock the _right_ words from his throat. The ones that would keep her from _leaving him_. (he was _so_ _afraid_ of being left alone, left behind, left out. He had always been a clingy thing, even as a child, _Dad said_. And that was the thing, wasn't it? Dad said.)

“Hey, it's okay. Leo? It's okay. There's nothing wrong with it,” she paused and smiled at him, “and I'm not going anywhere, you silly boy.” Something in his chest eased and he offered Mattie a shaky smile back.

“D'you think we could still,” Leo flicked his hand between them, “I dunno, cuddle or something?”

“Absolutely. Do you want to be starkers, or not? I'm not doing anything you don't want.”

“Yeah, that, uh, that sounds good.”

They spent a good half-hour just tangled together on the bed before Mia (not adult Mia, tiny Mia) started to wail and Toby burst in with her to announce, “I didn't do anything I swe- oh god you're so gross. I did not need to see that, Jesus,” and quickly fled the scene.

He and Mattie looked at each other and started laughing.

Mattie explained asexuality to him, later, going over it patiently with him as some of his hang-ups made themselves known. (She half wanted to resurrect David Elster just so she could punch him in his awful face.) She bought him a purple jumper for his birthday. Leo bought Niska a sword for Christmas, giggling like a child as he muttered “sword lesbian” over and over. It wasn't perfect, but it was pretty damn happy. 


End file.
